How To Win Friends And Influence People

Part 1 How NOT To Do It - "Asking For It" Phase 3
Iran is in a bit of a tiff with the old US of A over nukes, as you know.
So their fearless leader President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (I always have to look up that damn spelling) sent a letter to the President of the United States of America. Predictably, it didn't go over too well.

The letter from President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was the first formal communication between leaders of the two nations in 27 years. It made only an oblique reference to Iran's intentions concerning its disputed nuclear program, asking why "any technological and scientific achievement reached in the Middle East region is translated into and portrayed as a threat to the Zionist regime."

Otherwise, the letter lambasted Bush for his handling of the Sept. 11 attacks on the United States, accused the media of spreading lies about the Iraq war, and said that people around the world are moving closer to faith in God.

"Liberalism and western style democracy have not been able to help realize the ideals of humanity," said the letter, obtained by The Associated Press. "Today these two concepts have failed. Those with insight can already hear the sounds of the shattering and fall of the ideology and thoughts of the Liberal democratic systems."

I laughed when I got to there. Not even Nikita Khrushchev would have insulted John F. Kennedy like this during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
This is what I imagine the letter to have looked like:

Hi George,
You might not know me, but I'm the dude that is heading up Iran, a proud nation with more balls than a Golf driving range, and I just thought I'd drop you a line. I know our countries have not been on speaking terms for like 27 years since I personally hijacked your embassy and made your guys look like women and made them squeal like pigs and all . :)

Oh, those were the days when we kicked your lackey Shah Pahlevi's butt into the Hudson River. And your helicopter dudes died crying in the desert as your weak predecessor Jimmy Peanuts tried to whack me but instead gave himself a whack-job. The point is, we're not really scared of you because your army couldn't organise a fuck in a Iraqi brothel, as evinced by what we see in Iraq.

Anyway I figure that all that stuff is all water under the bridge, so today I thought I'd write you a letter just to let you know that I think you stink, your government stinks, your whole personal style stinks, the Texas Rangers still stink even with Mark Teixeira, plus you have Jewish friends and that makes you a rat-bastard, and I have it on high authority you receive nightly oral sex from rabid babboons. You really must stop doing that, it's a disgusting habit for a leader of such a big nation; a nation I might add that is corrupted by media and Hollywood and Rock'n'Rap and Paris Hilton and all that kind of guff.

In fact it appalls us how your women jig and amble, preen and pout, give God's creature's names; go uncovered in burkhas. Their ignorance and wontonness offends us all and it hath made me mad! They should all be sent to a nunnery, starting with that black bitch you've got giving you sinister demonic advice. You really must banish that wicked wench before you think about talking to us. And that drunkard Rumsfool is also a bit of a worry; he talks a dangerous, cock-suckers' game.

So let me conclude by saying, you are a big AIDS-infected cunt and I wish you drop dead painfully and go to hell, and there's no way you're stopping us from getting our nukes, you infidel son of a donkey whore. I hope this letter goes some way towards clearing the air somewhat between our two nations.

Yours Faithfully
Mahmoud. :)

Okay maybe not, but it may as well have been. Like I said in the previous post, sometimes I think this blog is about stupidity-watching.

Come Off It, Derek!
I love this guy, but when he says stuff like this, I sort of think, which planet have you been on lately?

DEREK'S DEFENSE: Derek Jeter appeared on David Letterman last night and defended Barry Bonds when asked for his thoughts on the controversial slugger approaching Babe Ruth's home run mark.

"The thing is because there's all these (steroid) accusations, and no one knows, so unless you have proof, then stop accusing him," Jeter said. "I mean, he's done some great things in the game, he's about to pass Babe Ruth with all-time home runs and, you know, it's putting baseball in a bad light because they keep talking about it."

The point is, Derek, they've got proof. They know a whole lot about Barry, the clear, the cream and the 'training regimen'. That's why they're howling and baying. In case you missed it, two of your team-mates are also under the BALCO cloud. I'm sure you remember Juicin' Giambi apologising early last year; he just didn't tell you what for. Well, hello!, It was Steroids!
These people, with their cheatin' on 'roids, are stealing from your greatness Derek!
Unless of course et tu Derek, in which case I'm crying "say it ain't so..." Capiche?