The Art Neuro Weblog

A Structure Of Idiocy
Following the amateur draft yesterday, I found an interview with the Yankees' 3rd round pick, Brett Gardner. It's an interview with somebody who is what, 19-20 y.o.?
UPDATE: He's 22 (So I was wrong).

Brett Gardner: I can't tell you how happy I am. It really didn't matter where I went. It's every kid's dream to play in the major leagues. But to be drafted by a team like the Yankees is a dream come true. It is even better when a team like the Yankees want you as part of the organisation.

And so on. I can't copy the text so you'll have to believe me when I tell you Brett is ready for the majors if interviews was all it took. He's got the Crash Davis course down pat:

CRASH
Learn your clichés. Study them. Know
them. They're your friends.

Crash hands Nuke a small pad and pen.

CRASH
Write this down.
(beat)
"We gotta play 'em one day at a time."

NUKE
Boring.

CRASH
Of course. That's the point.
(beat)
"I'm just happy to
be here and hope
I can help the ballclub."

NUKE
Jesus.

CRASH
Write, write -- "I just wanta give
It my best shot and,
Good Lord
willing, things'll work out."

NUKE STARTS WRITING them
down.

NUKE
"...Good Lord willing, things'll
work out."

CRASH
Yep. So how's Annie?

Nuke looks up from his clichés,
startled.

NUKE
She's getting steamed 'cause I'm
still
re-channeling my sexual energy --
maybe I should cave in and sleep
with
her once just to calm her down.
What'ya think?

CRASH
You outta
your mind? If you give in
now you might start losing.
(beat)
Never
fuck with a winning streak.

Nuke nods seriously, listening to the
master.

Sorry about the formatting but there you have it. Here's 19 y.o. Brett Gardner saying *everything* right with the most mundane cliches found in sports interview. I guess that makes him the right character who can contribute to the team chemistry. Born 'ballplayer, born Yankee, he truly must be the Natural.

- Art Neuro