News That's Fit To Punt

Hello Big Foot?

In amidst the excitement of the Beijing Olympics is news that Big Foot (insert guffaw here) albeit as a cropse, has been found. Yes, that's right, Big Foot, a.k.a. Sasquatch has been the elusive beast of the wild in the North American continent since the famous footage of 1967, but to my amazement there have been people *hunting* for him all this time.

TWO US professional Bigfoot hunters claim to have found a body of the legendary creature and will present evidence of the astounding discovery to the world's press and scientists tomorrow.

Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer, who run Bigfoot expeditions, say they found a dead Bigfoot in the woods of north Georgia, in the southeast of the US, about two weeks ago and have put the carcass in a freezer.

They along with "the real Bigfoot Hunter" Tom Biscardi, who has endorsed the find, will front a press conference in California, where they say DNA and photo proof will be presented.

Mr Whitton, a Georgia police officer on leave to recover from a shooting, and Mr Dyer, a former prison officer, have posted photos of their "find" on their searchingforbigfoot website.

They describe the creature as being a 2.3m tall "part human and part ape" male and weighing over 230kg with reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.

The infamous feet are described as being flat and 41cm long with five toes.

I'm glad to hear the feet are as advertised. There's something so idiotic about this that you hope it is a passing hoax that will be debunked quickly, but something tells me it's going to turn into such a media circus of claims and counter claims that the scientists will never get a clear shot at it - like Cold Fusion or UFO sightings.

The Montauk Monster

Then there's this other internet sensation story about a corpse of a creature that washed up on the East Coast of USA.

Dubbed the Montauk Monster after the Long Island town where it was found, the creature has prompted speculation it was part of a secret mutant breeding program undertaken by the US Government.

I don't know. It's just too much. As if that' not enough...

The Alleged Yeti Hair In DNA Lab Tests

This is even nuttier.

A BRITISH scientist is anxiously awaiting the results of DNA tests on hair claimed to be from a yeti after initial examinations showed it had human and ape-like characteristics.

Ian Redmond, a biologist and expert in ape conservation, said the hairs found in the Indian jungle resembled samples collected by the conqueror of Everest, Sir Edmund Hillary, in the 1950s.

"Under the microscope, they look slightly human, slightly like an orang-utan and slightly like the hairs brought back by Edmund Hillary," Dr Redmond said.

"These hairs remain an enigma. They could be a new species, but the DNA tests will hopefully tell us more."

The hairs were brought back from India this year by BBC journalist Alastair Lawson, who contacted Dr Redmond and was put in touch with a team at Oxford Brookes University in south central England.

Lawson was given the hairs by yeti believer Dipu Marak, who retrieved them them in dense jungle in the Meghalaya state of India after a forester allegedly spotted the creature on three consecutive days in 2003.

Mr Marak believes the hairs come from an ape-like Indian version of the fabled yeti, or abominable snowman, called mande barung, which he believes stands about 3m tall.

Dr Redmond and scientists from Oxford Brookes examined the hairs last Thursday under powerful microscopes, comparing them with samples taken from an Asiatic black bear, yaks, orang utangs and gorillas at Oxford's Natural History Museum and even a hair from Dr Redmond's beard.

"The hairs are complete with the cuticle, and between 3.3cm and 4.4cm long and thick and wiry and curved," Dr Redmond said.

"At one point we thought they looked like they came from a wild boar. That was quite a tense moment, but when we got a sample from the museum it turned out they were quite different."

Dr Redmond also contacted the English laboratory that analysed the hairs brought back by Hillary in the 1950s from his Everest expedition and found they were similar in appearance.

While the microscope tests were inconclusive, the hairs are now undergoing DNA tests in separate laboratories in Oxford and Cardiff.

Dr Redmond admitted his excitement at a potential scientific breakthrough was tinged with fear.

"My concern is that if we do find something unusual, it will be from a very small population of animals and I would want to talk to the State Government and Indian Government so they are not inundated with people trying to catch one for a museum.

The mind boggles. The picture up to of this section is Sir Edmund Hillary with an alleged Yeti scalp.

Meanwhile In Texas...
I just want to offer you this link.

The animal appears to have a long snout and forelegs slightly shorter than the hind legs, the textbook, or rather folkloric, description of the animal that likes to attack livestock, particularly goats, and drink their blood. Short-haired (rather than hairless like the classic chupacabra) the dread beast looks like a small dog, or perhaps a coyote crossed with a small dog such as a pit bull.

Uh-huh.